Forgive, But Forget?

Lately, I've been seeing this “forgive and forget” topic being talked about a lot online. Just a couple of days ago, I was actually thinking about this exact topic while I was in the shower—before I even came across those videos about it.

Personally, yes, I can forgive anyone who has done me wrong. And when I say I can forgive you, I mean it. If you want to hear me say it straight to your face, I can give it to you.

But if you ask me to forget about what you did and expect us to go back to the way we were before, that's a whole different story.

Well, I guess it depends on the intensity of what you did. There are things that, with enough time, I can probably let go of and eventually stop thinking about. But if it is something really huge, I don't think I can ever forget what you did. And honestly, I don't think I would even want us to go back to the way our relationship was before.

I forgave you, but don't decide for me that I should just forget.

I guess one of the hardest things I'm still having a hard time doing is forgetting. I may have already forgotten what you said to me three seconds ago, but I will never forget what you did to me on January 6, 1998, at exactly 7:37 PM.

They say time heals all wounds, but I don't believe that.

Or maybe I'm just not fully healed from the hurts I've experienced in the past, and that's why I feel this way. I don't know. Maybe that's part of it. Maybe someday, I'll come to believe that time really does heal wounds.

But for now, it's a no for me.

I read somewhere before that time doesn't really heal wounds; you just get used to the feeling of being hurt. And I guess that's what I believe right now.

Maybe healing isn't always about forgetting.

Maybe you forgive because you no longer want to carry the anger, but remembering is what keeps you from allowing the same thing to happen to you again. Forgiving you doesn't automatically mean I have to trust you again. It doesn't mean I have to give you the same access to me, and it certainly doesn't mean we have to go back to the relationship we had before.

For both our peace of mind, sure, I'll forgive you.

I'll forgive you because I don't want to spend the rest of my life carrying the weight of what you did to me. I'll forgive you because I want peace, too. But forgiveness doesn't erase what happened, and it doesn't require me to forget.

I can forgive you and still remember.

I can forgive you and still choose distance.

I can forgive you and still decide that things will never be the same again.

The mind might forget, but the heart remembers.



aur revoir. 😊

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