In My Own World

Lately, I've been seeing this “forgive and forget” topic being talked about a lot online. Just a couple of days ago, I was actually thinking about this exact topic while I was in the shower—before I even came across those videos about it. Personally, yes, I can forgive anyone who has done me wrong. And when I say I can forgive you, I mean it. If you want to hear me say it straight to your face, I can give it to you. But if you ask me to forget about what you did and expect us to go back to the way we were before, that's a whole different story. Well, I guess it depends on the intensity of what you did. There are things that, with enough time, I can probably let go of and eventually stop thinking about. But if it is something really huge, I don't think I can ever forget what you did. And honestly, I don't think I would even want us to go back to the way our relationship was before. I forgave you, but don't decide for me that I should just forget. I guess one of the h...

Here I am, 35, and my life has no direction. My job’s a joke. Fortunately, I’m not broke. And my love life’s not DOA. 😹 For those who are 35 years old or younger and successful, how did you do it? I mean, anong bigas ang kinakain niyo? Anyways… life hasn’t been easy on me in the past year, I guess—especially since I celebrated my 34th birthday. But by God’s grace, I survived, and I’m still surviving. A lot has happened during that year, both in my career and in my family. I went through some of the toughest times of my life. There was a sad ending, a new beginning, a happy ending, and then a new beginning again. But despite all of that, I’m still here. Kinaya, kinakaya at kakayanin. Even though kinaya ko, kinakaya, at alam kong kakayanin ko by God’s grace and mercy, I am still hoping and praying that He’ll be easy on me. Ang sabi nga nung nabasa ko,  “Lord, I am not one of Your strongest soldiers,”  so please be easy on me.  Alam ko namang hindi Niya ako pababayaan, pero...

"Let it go" 3 words,7 letters, madaling bigkasin, mahirap gawin.  Paano nga ba ang magpalaya? Wow! Big word. "Magpalaya."  Paano nga ba palayain ang mga bagay o tao na matagal nang nagpasyang umalis sa buhay natin? Siguro hindi na kailangang palayain, kasi umalis na nga diba? Siguro ang kailangan na lang ay ang pagtanggap. Tanggapin na ang ngayon ay hindi na tulad ng dati.  Mahirap baguhin ang nakasanayan na. Na para bang mag-uumpisa ka na naman sa simula. Pero hindi naman siguro kailangang magsimula sa umpisa. Ang kailangan lang ay ang magpatuloy. Magpatuloy sa buhay, pero sa puntong ito sa panibagong bersyon mo. Ang bersyon na wala na ang mga bagay na dati ay hawak mo lamang. Ang bersyon na hindi na kasama ang mga tao na inakalang mong habang buhay mong makakasama.  Sa puntong ito hindi mo na kailangang ipilit na makasama sila dahil sila na mismo ang nagpasyang umalis. Marahil ay wala sa iyo ang pagkukulang. At hindi din nila kasalanan na nagpasya silang iwanan ka...

Father's Day has a way of making me think about all the things I never said. My father has been gone for years now, and every Father's Day, I find myself replaying memories that aren't really memories at all. They're mostly what-ifs. The truth is, I never greeted him a Happy Father's Day. Not once. I never greeted him a Happy Birthday either. It's not because we fought. It's not because he was a bad father. He wasn't. In fact, he did what many fathers do—he sacrificed. He worked as a seaman, spending most of his life at sea so our family could have a better life. The problem was that because he was gone most of the time, I got used to his absence. When he came home, his presence felt unfamiliar. He wasn't a stranger, but he wasn't someone I saw every day either. There was always this invisible distance between us, created by months and years spent apart. Looking back, taking him for granted would be an understatement. I simply assumed there would...

And then suddenly it hits you. There are people in your life who were never meant to stay forever. Not because anyone did anything wrong. Not because there was a fight. Not because someone stopped caring. Life just kept moving. Sometimes I find myself missing the bond I once had with certain people. I miss the inside jokes, the random conversations, the comfort of knowing that if something happened, they'd be one of the first people I'd tell. But when I really think about it, I realize I don't actually miss who they are today. I miss who we were back then. I see them now, happy with their own circle. They're building careers, raising children, creating lives that look completely different from mine. And I'm happy for them. I truly am. It's just strange sometimes. Because there was a time when we knew everything about each other. We knew each other's dreams, fears, favorite songs, and biggest frustrations. And now, if we sat down across from each other, I...

There’s this kind of sadness that arrives without warning. One moment, everything is fine. The next, you're lying in bed wondering about your future, replaying old memories, and feeling anxious about things that weren't even on your mind yesterday. Then you check the calendar. Oh. It's that time of the month again. If you know, you know. It's strange how a flood of emotions can appear out of nowhere. Suddenly, you're sad. You're anxious. You're worried about things you normally handle just fine. Problems seem bigger. Uncertainties feel heavier. Even the smallest inconvenience can feel like the final straw. The hardest part isn't even the emotions themselves. It's the confusion. Because while you're feeling all these things, another part of you is trying to figure out whether those feelings are real or if they're simply being amplified by hormones. Are you genuinely sad? Are you actually anxious? Is this concern valid? Or is PMS just turning t...

We don’t always agree on many things. I mean, we don’t fight. It’s just that sometimes, I hate your opinions. I hate how pessimistic you can be at times. I hate how biased you are sometimes. I hate how you criticize things every now and then. But just to be clear, I don’t hate you. I just hate those things about you. But you know what? When I really think about it, those are also the things that make you  you . Without them, you wouldn’t be the mother I grew up with. Okay. Done with the hate. On with the love. I love how hardworking you are. You chose the profession that has no benefits, no time off, no sick leave, no vacation leave, no payroll. It’s a one-time clock in, and you never clock out. No retirement either. But on the other hand, you are the boss. Just kidding. No, not really. You chose to be a mother. I know you didn’t exactly choose to be  our  mother, but God knew you had all the qualifications to become one. And don’t take that the wrong way. What I mean is,...